


Babe

by kiitos



Category: Nathan Barley (TV)
Genre: Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-09
Updated: 2012-09-09
Packaged: 2017-11-13 21:47:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,147
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/508053
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kiitos/pseuds/kiitos
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A very drunk Claire and Nathan interrupt Dan and Jones.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Babe

Jones had been straddled across his lap, alternating between kissing him lazily and telling him random stories and tales that he’d seen in the weirdest of the world’s media that day. When Dan heard the key in the lock he groaned, Claire wasn’t supposed to be back yet and when she opened the door the other voice was undeniably that of Nathan fucking Barley. Jones leapt off him and dived across the room to behind his decks quicker than Dan had ever seen him move.

“What the fuck is he doing here?” Jones hissed after ramming his headphones back onto his head so his kiss crumpled hair didn’t look too untoward.

Dan growled in response, but not really at Jones, more at the immense prick whose idiotic presence was sullying his domain. The voice got louder as Claire and Nathan approached the room, Jones raised an eyebrow and unplugged his headset jack so the manic noise filled the air instead of only his head. Dan smirked knowing this particular tune was ‘god-awful racket no.5 only to be employed in the presence of that royal idiot.’ Or at least that’s what he had titled it, Jones probably thought of it as his masterpiece concerto, and it would stay that way until a new cacophony of noise took his fancy. Although that was unfair, Jones’ music wasn’t that unmelodic really, not if you really listened, sort of like the man himself really.

“Preach!” Nathan shouted inanely as he entered the room. “This is your pad yeah? Cool.”

Dan glared at Claire with his eyebrows raised, the question clearly painted across his face using barely concealed anger as a nice big beacon just in case she didn’t get it.

“Hey you’re that DJ from Stanley Knives right?” Nathan pointed his fingers at Jones doing what Dan strongly suspected was the guns gesture, judging by the look on Jones’ face.

“What’s it to you?” Jones murmured, reluctantly turning down his music just a bit.

“Nothing mate yeah, just a bit of a surprise, didn’t know you lived with the Preacher-man.” Nathan responded.

“Actually this is my flat.” Jones replied calmly, much more calmly than Dan was managing. “That’s why it says ‘House of Jones’ on the door.”

“Oh yeah well, obviously man.” Nathan nodded as though he fucking knew everything before turning on his heel to address Dan.

“Claire.” Dan said through gritted teeth. “What are you doing here?”

“I live here Dan, surely you haven’t forgotten that?” She replied, giggling. She was drunk Dan realised and he sighed frustrated.

“No, what are you doing here  _now_?” He asked again, pointing at the floor to emphasise a point.

Jones’ music became softer somehow, Dan sometimes thought that Jones tuned his music to his moods and that was why it was always sunny and loud and relentlessly bouncy. Now however it was soft with a dangerous and dirty bass-line and Dan found himself worrying that Jones was actually upset. A glance at Jones however proved him wrong, Jones was smiling, grinning really; the music wasn’t Jones, it was him, it was Dan.

Nathan fucking Barley however decided he did fucking know everything and once again waltzed across the room and moved something on the decks, the bass-line died and the backing track was suddenly louder, it was just  _so wrong_.

“Fade and blend yeah?” Nathan nodded and Jones just stared, Dan watched and was vaguely amused to note that Claire was doing the same.

“That doesn’t mean anything.” Jones shook his head disbelievingly as Nathan nodded emphatically.

“Ridiculed today, really cool tomorrow yeah. Trust me, you could learn from me.”

Dan snorted as Jones’ eyebrows disappeared into his hairline.

“You’re Nathan Barley aren’t you?” Jones asked, once again infuriatingly calm. “Because if you are, the only thing I could possibly learn from you is how to be a colossal prick.”

Dan snorted a laugh as Nathan actually looked a little blind-sided for a moment before his idiocy kicked into gear. “Oh I get it yeah, that’s punk innit, with the hair and the outfit, totally fucking retro man.”

Jones looked as though he were about to commit murder and although Dan was not opposed to the murder of that particular man, he imagined his life would be naff whilst Jones was off in prison. He swept across the room and plastered on a fake smile.

“Come on Nathan let’s not bother Preach’s flatmate hm?” Hoping to anything and everything out there that Nathan was so out of it he wouldn’t remember that the next morning and take it is as some sign that Dan had accepted his role as mentor-cum-messiah for the masses.

“Jonesy’s well cool though Preacher man Dan.” Nathan pressed as though he was concerned Dan hadn’t figured that out for himself, not that Dan considered anything to be ‘cool.’ He just knew that Jones had a certain something that placed him way out of the reach of the likes of Nathan fucking Barley. He had almost ushered both Nathan and Claire out the door, Claire having picked up the umbrella she originally came for, when everything went a  bit wrong.

Nathan was still wittering stupidly about the flat and how “totally cool” it was and how Jones’ music was futile when Jones snapped, Jones never snapped, never even sort of snapped, but the presence of Nathan Barley in his own personal space apparently became a bit too much.

“Could you just get him the fuck outta here babe?” He complained, only realising the gravity of his words when it was far too late to do anything about it.

Nathan whirled around and stared at Jones. “Babe?”

Jones went wide-eyed and actually momentarily lost his cool. “Er…well.”

“Dan’s nobbing Jones.” Claire announced when the silence became a little unbearable. Dan briefly wondered how long he’d get for sibling-cide.

“What, really?” Nathan stared with all the wonderment of a particularly inquisitive child, Dan supposed that was his mental age range and in any other situation it would be amusing but this was a bit awkward and he didn’t much like awkward.

“I hate you Claire.” He growled instead, she just giggled. Prison was becoming tempting, perhaps he’d let Jones murder Barley after all so he could keep him company.

“Revenge for the camera.” She pointed a finger at him before sweeping out of the flat, dragging a staggering Nathan with her.

After the door slammed again, Dan ran a hand over his face. “Kill me.” He murmured, he was a bit perturbed when Jones laughed.

“Idiot, they’re so fucked they won’t remember, and if they do just play dumb or somethin’”

Dan stared at him, that was probably true.

“Now c’mere babe, where were we?” Jones purred.

Dan shrugged, if he did have to kill himself in the morning, at least he was going to get one last shag.


End file.
